on my mind
ramadan mubarak friends!
we’re already one-third of the way through the month. the first 10 days are said to be a time for mercy and blessings, and i’m reflecting a lot on those concepts these days.
three weeks ago, i got back from my first umrah, which is the minor pilgrimage to Mecca, and visit to Medina. i’m still processing the week that pulled me out of my predominantly secular, capitalist-driven environment to embark on a purely spiritual and symbolic journey that allowed to detach and observe myself from a different realm. i also meant to send this newsletter out much sooner but i spent the last two weeks extremely sick, so lots of gratitude for my health!
there is still so much heaviness we’re all carrying and witnessing with ongoing genocides, famine, refugee crises and civil wars, that it was not lost on me that it was during this time, that i was fortunate enough to embark on this trip with a few friends after adding it to my vision board a few years ago and tend to the spiritual burnout i was feeling by the end of 2023.
now i am a type-A traveler that had to learn how to let go, simplify intentions for this trip, and not obsess over how i should feel/whether i would mess things up and not have my umrah be accepted. going with a group helped alleviate a lot of that (thanks ICNYU!) and also the friends i traveled with are such thoughtful and nurturing people that made the experience so comfortable and memorable (bringing treats to pass out to street cats, sharing liquid IV packs + snacks, gathering duaas/prayers from others to recite there, negotiating for the best abaya prices, and crowdsourcing tips from friends who had gone before us).
there’s a lot about my umrah that is deeply personal but here are some takeaways/moments i wanted to share:
masjid al-nabawi’s courtyard with its beautiful flower-like shading umbrellas that covered the sky during the day and retreated into humble trees at night
the delirious walk to fajr at the masjid and seeing hundreds of others walking through the street from their hotels at the same time, with the birds chirping along as our companions
the endearing coordinated outfits of different tour groups - specifically the women from indonesia, malaysia and uzbekistan
reflecting on the requirement of downloading a specific app to get a permit for umrah and to visit the rawdah and who this leaves out/the still choatic experience it was to get in once we arrived
reciting the duaas sent in from friends, family and anonymous people to my google form that i breathlessly recited from my phone as i circled the kabba and tried not to fall on my face
the tiny moon flanked by cranes, skyscrapers and the clock tower, as we walked into the haram and spotted the kabba for the first time
how differently tawaf looked on the floor compared to the synchronized flow i would see on tv - in reality, there were people going different directions, pushing, walking at different paces, taking selfies or photos of loved ones or livestreaming- and yet somehow, overall we were all still moving as one
seven rounds around the kabba took us several hours since we walked nearer to the outside, but it was where i felt the least claustrophobic and able to concentrate on my own thoughts and prayers
the fatigue i thought i would have by doing umrah in the middle of the night (we started at 2 am and ended after fajr) was replaced with sheer adrenaline and so much gratitude to be here in this moment
babies and toddlers in ihram - SO ADORABLE
watching women and men considerably older than me walking alongside or ahead of me between safa and marwa and the fervent emotion and focus they had on their prayers
trying to drink zamzam water was a test of patience and selflessness as people either filled up the cups that were provided or sat and filled up countless water bottles at the stations
the smell of bukhoor in the shops and hotels was like a warm hug (and also welcome relief from the smell of thousands of human bodies)
i want to interview the custodians and workers who silently clean up after everyone and watch all these people from all over the world descend to these holy sites in masses and either make their jobs more difficult or show them the utmost compassion
having the main purpose of every day be to just head to the masjid and get your prayers in, squeezed next to random strangers, at all hours of the day and night felt like i was transported to ramadan in the last ten nights - may we always feel that level of closeness and intentionality even when we don’t have the luxury of that convenience and company.
if you’ve been to umrah, i’d love to hear your experiences (the good and the bad). if you are thinking about it or have a trip already planned, please let me know how i can support or give advice from my experience!
what i’m noting
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— Nesima
this is beautiful. i pray for the day i get to go to umrah myself and see the kaaba for the first time. your experience here has made me so excited for that day. jazakallah for sharing this :)
The coverings at the Masjid an-Nabawi retreating to humble trees at night is such a gorgeous image...I don't remembering seeing those so I am guessing they are more recent (although I did Umrah, er...25 years ago...holy moley I feel wizened)
Thankyou for taking note of the details, they are what preserve experiences and convey them to the rest of us :) Ramadan Kareem!