Homecoming
On my mind
I’m going almost home tomorrow. I say almost because it’ll be home where my parents now live, but not the home I grew up in. My parents recently moved to a small city outside of Tucson, Arizona for my dad’s new job. Grappling with this change has been difficult for me to say the least.
We moved into our last house when I was about to start eighth grade. It was a complete upgrade for my family. We had previously been living in a smaller home in a busy, well-developed part of Chandler, a suburb of Phoenix. The new house was still in Chandler, but on the other side of the city and part of a brand new gated community. The neighborhood was located next to one grocery store and dairy farms. Our neighbors were cows and pigeons back then. The smell was so bad I wrote a whole song about it.
But I loved watching the house get built from the ground up. We had our own swimming pool in the backyard for the first time. I had my own room that I didn’t have to share with my brother or grandma. We had a fancy living room you hardly used and then a regular living room near the kitchen where we’d watch TV and relax. My parents’ room was on the other side of the house, no longer a yell and quick dash across the dark hallway when I’d wake up sick.
I distinctly remember when we first moved in, how small and lost I felt. It was like we were living in a hotel. I wondered if it would ever feel like home. But eventually it did. It was home for 15 years. Our home was a place for study sessions, graduation parties, homework arguments with my dad, birthdays, swimming lessons, Eid celebrations, brunches, potluck dinners, iftars, gatherings after funerals, family reunions, sleepovers, hide-and-go seek games, YouTube video shoots, piano recitals, coffee ceremonies, community meetings, volunteer drives and more.
And even when I moved out of state after college, coming home was a strange overlap between the past and the present. I assumed nothing would change without me, but I’d arrive and discover little things like a new cabinets or a new fridge or the vanished canopy above my bed and missing palm trees in the backyard. I enjoyed the comfort of seeing familiar things like my brother’s awkward smiling face from his high school senior picture hanging on his bedroom door or all my stuffed animals and books crowding my desk and bedside table.
The last time I was at our house for Eid in July 2019
I know my parents would leave our house at some point. Empty nesters have to create a new life that is comfortable and easier for them. And as my dad said, “well if you guys came back, the house could be for you!” Guilt trip. It also feels surreal because I wasn’t there during the moving out process. I offered but my parents said they could handle it. I participated and stressed from across the country and requested photos to be taken because I’m a sentimental sap.
The move out photos I requested my mom take because I was in denial it was all happening and felt bad I wasn’t there to help.
I imagined celebrating a few more milestones in my childhood home . before saying goodbye. One, embarrassingly enough, was hosting a future engagement party or dancing with family in the living room on the morning of my wedding, which is a part of Eritrean tradition. But now, I’m looking forward to building a relationship with this new house and exploring the new neighborhood even if it is inconveniently far from everything I’m used to. Maybe it’s better this way. Instead of being steeped in nostalgia whenever I visit, I can learn how to embrace change and be in the moment for once. My new life in Virginia can now exist simultaneously with my parent’s new life in Marana. There can be adventures and growth for us in both places.
What I’m noting
Hair Love // An adorable short film about an African American father learning how to style his daughter’s curly hair for the first time. This will give you all the feels.
UNASHAMED: Musings of a Fat, Black Muslim // Just finished Leah Vernon’s memoir and was blown away by how juicy, dramatic and heartbreaking her life has been. I’ve been following Leah for a few years on Instagram and she is a breath of fresh air in an otherwise suffocating landscape of polished, petite and pastel Muslim women bloggers. She keeps it very very real and reading her book makes you feel like you’re sitting across from her at a coffee shop while she opens up about the wild world of dating, mental illness, domestic violence, religion and learning to be comfortable in her own skin and to take up literal and emotional space.
Knives Out // I am a huge fan of a good detective story, whether it’s Nancy Drew, Hercule Poirot, Miss Marple or Monk. I didn’t know much about Knives Out until a few weeks ago and didn’t find the trailer compelling but I’m so glad I went to see this incredibly original and hilarious murder mystery with a cast that includes Lakeith Stanfield, Daniel Craig and Jamie Lee Curtis. Don’t read too much about it so the ending doesn’t get spoiled for you. Just go and enjoy!
A Doctor’s Diary: The Overnight Shift in the E.R. // Brilliant essay by my friend Gina on the pressures doctors face to push patients “up” or “out” of the E.R. room and how much more can be done to better save people’s lives.
Since December is here, I’d love to get your highlights of 2019 for Noted by You! All you have to do is answer these four questions:
What was the best thing you ate this year?
What was the best thing you watched this year?
What was the best thing you read this year?
What was the biggest life lesson you learned this year?
Here are some of your answers so far:
What was the best thing you ate this year?
Perfect and simple tomato basil foccacia from a farm.
PANCAKE BREAD from Trader Joe’s! My husband randomly picked it out one day and it was soooo good that we finished the whole loaf in one sitting. It's the perfect blend of pancake, waffle, and bread.
Beyeayenetu (Ethiopian food, veggies)
I had the most amazing Fatteh for the first time in ages. Fatteh is this Lebanese/Middle Eastern breakfast dish with chickpeas, toasted pita chips, and warmed tahini sauce and yogurt with an assortment of nuts on top. I tried it at a restaurant in Ottawa, Canada that made it so so well that I think of it on a monthly basis, at least.
We just moved to Kuwait, and I have tried some incredible food here. The best thing has been this simple Middle Eastern salad called fattoush (and I like a little zataar fatayer on the side) so simple and delicious.
What was the best thing you watched this year?
Probably all of the Bowen Yang characters on this new season of SNL, he just joined the cast and is killin it. His Chinese diplomat character is hilarious.
The best thing I watched this year was the Aladdin remake.
Soccer Game: Liverpool (4) vs Barcelona (0)
When They See Us: the most moving and compelling series I’ve watched all year. It’s not often that something shakes you to your core but this series did just that.
What was the best thing you read this year?
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb, also More Than Enough by Elaine Welteroth (a fellow Sagittarius) - highly recommend both!
I've read sooo many good ones so this is tough. But I can narrow it down to 2 right now: Wild by Cheryl Strayed and Drop the Ball by Tiffany Dufu
Born a Crime by Trevor Noah
A Place for Us by Fatima Farheen Mirza. I’m a sucker for Muslim lit and this book made me feel as seen as Mohja Kahf’s The Girl in the Tangerine Scarf once made me feel.
My husband's writing. This was one of my favorites that he wrote this year.
What was the biggest life lesson you learned this year?
Sometimes you don't need to fill your life with plans and goals, you just need to give yourself space and see what emerges. Trust yourself and trust God to get you what you need, even if you think you have no idea.
Just go for it! To show up even in those moments when I'm not sure exactly what I'm doing or don't feel good enough. Because that's the best way to learn! And I do have value to offer already. So why not go for it? I got some no's and definitely made mistakes this year. But I also got some awesome opportunities that I didn't expect. All because I decided to at least try. So the best thing I can do now is keep practicing and growing my courage muscles. Because there's still so much more I want and plan to do iA!
Learn from your last mistakes
That no matter where you go-you can’t escape yourself. You’re going to have to sort through the messy aspects of yourself in order to move forward , otherwise they’ll continue to chase you, wherever you end up. It’s that soul work that’s the hard work.
No one of us has arrived at a comfortable enough place to lay prayer aside.
Thank you all for sharing so far! If you want to add your 2019 highlights, please send them my way. Hope you all have a great weekend!
— Nesima